You’re an achiever, aren’t you ? You perform all your duties, as an employee, a father or mother, as a partner, in institutions as a social being. The household is running smoothly, the children are fine, the daily program is always set.

And there is always something to do, isn’t that so ?

In light of all of this – when was the last time you actually thought of yourself? Your personal break built into our modern life. The little time-out to enjoy, do nothing and let go, experiencing oneself, exploring your desires and needs.

Hit the off button, deliberately. Leave everything where it is. Not that things will get done automatically then, they´ll just still be around. Just don´t look at them, but rather look at only you:

Spoil yourself!

Spoil yourself with something that makes you happy. Chocolate with cream, a beach chair in the sun, a hot bath with unreasonable amounts of foam, a candle at dinner, the shoes you can afford but do not dare to wear. Go to the stadium with friends, paint on a big screen, unrestrained netflixing, and on and on it goes.

Spoil yourself with time, with things, with hobbies. Leave your bad conscience behind for a moment, even better: do not feel guilty. It’s your decision, it’s what you stand for as a person. If you pamper yourself, you are with you. You are perceiving yourself, you are taking yourself serious. Being authentic. Through all of this you are actually doing a good service to yourself and the ones around  you.

In a partnership, this is essential for an affectionate togetherness at eye level. In a separation, this is the very first step of processing and healing.

Pamper yourself. You cannot treat yourself in any better way. In turn, this will also be beneficial for the ones who surround you and need you.

Picture credits: Pixabay/silviarita

You are special, unique, a sparkling diamond. Beautiful, smart, warmhearted. You have many wonderful qualities, many strengths, a few endearing weaknesses, you are an all-out wonderful human being. Someone special.This is a deep conviction of mine about human beings. But do you believe that too?

To be small is easy and comfortable. You cannot be this, cannot do that, and you may be keeping a long list of deficiencies / shortcomings on yourself.Know what? Write them down, all your shortcomings. And then shred your list, with pleasure and pure delectation. Because the list is not right. The truth is:you are special.

American author Marianne Williamson spoke wise words which have become familiar to many of us. Here´s an excerpt:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.” (From: A Return to Love)

That goes for you, that goes for everyone. You’re special. Become aware of your power.

Your own power to recognize your own value carries you much further. Anyone who appreciates themselves is also perceived differently by his/her own partner in a partnership: The appreciation of your partner begins with you. You’re special. Go see for yourself!

And conversely, as long as you do not value yourself, hardly anyone else will. Not even your partner, from whom you may long for nothing more than appreciation and esteem.

Appreciating yourself has nothing to do with mindless egoism. Much to the contrary: those who value themselves are at peace with themselves. And he/she who is at peace with him/herself, is relaxed and can give generously.

You’re special. You may start seeing it that way too, now that you´ve given yourself permission. And then watch your world change with you.

 

Picture credits: Pixabay / jill111

 

Narcissists are people who appear charming and confident at first sight. But they are in fact deeply insecure and blame everyone else for everything. Denying their own mistakes and twisting facts. The need for permanent recognition is like the air the narcissist needs to breathe. That often goes along with disrespecting others. They are unable to reflect on themselves and often destroy their own partner inwardly.

Anyone who has experienced this knows the story.

Narcissism has only been recognized since 1980 as a personality disorder in the classification system for mental disorders (DSM).

Does it matter to you? No!

Why a person develops a narcissistic personality disorder is still unclear. Some assume the reasons in childhood, others assume genetic or physiological predisposition.

Does it matter to you? No!

What does matter to you is …

To recognize why you were an ideal partner for the narcissist. Often it is those very empathic and caring human beings who are especially attracted to narcissists and vice versa.

Which deeper beliefs of yours have enabled the narcissist to partner with you? Which behavioral patterns in a partnership have paved the way for the narcissist?

Conscious Uncoupling Coaching is all about these questions: why were you a good match for the narcissist? What can you change about yourself to avoid this in the future? Change and find yourself in the process.

A first hint: do not try to convince a narcissist of your opinion, of what´s called “the truth” or “reality”. This consumes time and energy and will not lead to any result. Most importantly, it will not get you inner peace.

What is more important to you: how do you finally let go of the narcissist? What forms of communication with a narcissist are there that will not hurt you? And also: what are the ways to constructively live with a narcissistic co-parenting?

Always remember: there is a life “after”. Even for you, a fulfilling, appreciative partnership is possible. Do not suffer in silence, stop saying “never again” to a partner. But rather face up to the topic and solve it in a way that is truly beneficial to you.

Not easy. Not easy at all. But possible.

Picture credits: Pixabay/trinhkien91

Healthy self-love is one of the cornerstones of a good partnership, nourishing parenting and happiness.

Wow.

Everything starts with you. That starting point cannot be found in the outside and even less in the other person. Only when you are at peace with yourself and believe in yourself, you can give in an enchanting and nourishing way: to your partner, your children and those in need.

This includes

• regularly replenishing your own energy reserves.
• lovingly caring for yourself.
• taking yourself seriously, and above all,
• knowing your own feelings and needs to begin with.

You can ask yourself some of the following questions: What is good for me just now? What advances me? Ask yourself that again and again over the course of a day, a week, a month: just pause for a minute and feel inside yourself.

Do I feel right now, in this situation, with these people, in this activity? Is this what I want and need?

In Conscious Uncoupling Coaching, I offer a special exercise derived from Tibetan Buddhism: the Tonglen Meditation. It leads us to the perception of our own feelings and needs. And, thus, paves the way for self-acceptance and healing ways of coping with separation.

Only those who take themselves seriously are taken seriously by the partner.
Only those who love themselves can love others.

Picture credits: Pixabay/silviarita