As if breakup wasn’t painful enough: everyday you get into discussions on the simplest of things with your ex-partner because he/she  keeps ignoring your informal agreements. Or changes his/her plans last minute, and thereby your plans. He is so unreliable. She is unpredictable. And every time it strikes, you stand there stifled, scrambling and dumbfounded.

When children are affected it gets especially dramatic: the “handover” of the kids to the former partner is a very emotional encounter anyway. If on top of this, the other side constantly messes up or violates your agreements your kids are the next to suffer.

Your ex is really stupid, right? Pestering your life, destroying your inner peace and annoying you beyond measure. Give these feelings some time to actually sink in … the anger, the desperation, the ire towards your ex !

And next, take some time to ponder and reflect why the situation is as it is. Is it just because of your impertinent ex? Or could it be that you also have a role in all of this, by sometimes making it easy for your ex to walk right over you  and your interests? Maybe only by allowing something to happen rather than clearly voicing your opinion? Could that also be a reason why you are getting so fired up?

If you see this happening with you, don´t worry: you are not alone. Not everyone has been so fortunate as to learn being reasonable to oneself or to recognize and formulate their own wishes and needs. But you can do some catching up. Lots of catching up, in fact. Like expressing your opinion, wishes and needs to others at the right moment, in a friendly but determined manner. Especially in a break-up, even more when children are affected. Because aren’t you the role model for your children in everything you do?

Be gentle and generous with yourself; this is a process and it won’t all happen at once. Take one step at a time. It is worth it, because you will be reaching a point where you will feel much more at ease when taking a stand for yourself.

You can’t change other people. Changing yourself you can do. And with that, you can start changing those awkward situations too.


Picture credits: Pixabay / kdzwonek